Success and Self-Worth

Recently, I confessed to my mother that I don’t know if I want to go to med-school anymore. She panicked and asked me about my “plan B”. I told her that I would love to continue my education, go to graduate school for art, and pursue a career in the creative field. She broke into a frenzied slew of questions: “You need to choose a successful career, one that adds to society. How will you afford nice things? I gave you a better life than I had, so now it’s your turn to do the same for your children. How will you afford to send them to Adventist schools?” I wavered in my thought-process and wondered if I would be a loser forever if I didn't go to med-school, get my luxury condo and matching car. I decided my self-esteem would survive if the foundations of my success were fulfillment, happiness, and the luxury of spending time with my loved ones. Then, I tuned her out and thought about the life my parents had given to me. It was wonderful, yes, and the summer vacations were nice, but what about how she worked long hard nights as a registered nurse in order to afford “the best”? Why didn’t she criticize my father’s career? As a pastor, he makes a pile of beans each paycheck. Why was his job honorable despite the lack of monetary success?

You see, success is a tricky thing. Our American society tells us that it’s not just the things we have, but it is who sees them that’s important. Success is also the status that you achieve. So much of our society’s values come from ephemeral, material, status-building things—both tangible and intangible. The job you land, the car you buy, the house you live in and the area in which it’s located, your annual income, the size of your disposable income—it’s all crucially important, says our society. According to Veblen, pecuniary strength is directly related to success, which is fundamental to a person’s self-esteem. For my parents, pecuniary strength comes from a good education, and an honorable career choice that allows you to provide a comfortable lifestyle where you can have “the best” of everything. The best being: luxury cars, safe neighborhoods with active homeowner associations, and cruises in the summer.

So I ask myself, where is our concept of self-worth and success? It very well may be in the things we own and how wealthy we feel.